Courage and Fear

Author's Note: I read in one of my devotion books a few days ago that courage is the opposite of fear. When we are determined to be courageous with God’s help, we can defeat fear. I couldn’t help but think of my dogs as examples of the contrast of courage and fear and how that related to some events in my life. Due to the importance of this subject to me, this will be a bit long.

The day after I created this blog, we lost our dog, Moose, to cancer. Moose was the first dog I had that I really trained and he has a special place in my heart, but Moose had issues. He was afraid of everything. It makes me sad to think of how he lived his life, often cowering in his doggie bed growling at threats that didn’t exist. He snapped at children and fiercely growled at anyone who was “different”. He couldn’t be trusted to interact with visitors or go anywhere with us. What is especially sad is that aside from that one issue, he was a great dog. With me, he was loyal, cuddly, extremely smart, gentle, and loving.

In contrast, Bison is my brave dog. There is very little that will rattle him (those things are a story for another day). In SchH, the protection phase is all about testing the courage of the dog. The helper wears a bite sleeve and carries a padded stick. These decoys are trained to present a threat to the dog, to look as menacing as possible. Yet, Bison still runs toward the helper, bites the sleeve and holds on even when hit with the padded stick.

One day in training, we parked on the other side of the field from where we normally park. I was walking the long distance with Bison and the helper yelled from the other end of the field, “Send him for a bite.” I gave Bison the command for bite and let go of the leash. He ran as fast as he could and bit the sleeve. After the initial engagement, he stopped and looked back at me. He was checking in to see if I was with him. He is a very confident dog, yet he was asking for permission to engage. We work together as a team. He wanted me to be with him. As soon as I nodded, he went back to engaging with the helper.

This contrast is very real in my own life. I’ve never really considered myself a fearful person. In fact, growing up I would have said I was brave. It wasn’t until I hit circumstances in my life that I couldn’t control that I began to be filled with fear. I wanted nothing more out of life than to be a stay at home mom with a half dozen kids. I was devastated when we were unable to conceive. Through the early days of fertility treatments I was consumed with fear. What if I can’t get pregnant? What if this isn’t the right treatment? What if there is something really wrong with me? Am I going to die? Month after month was filled with blood draws, drugs, doctor vistits, and disappointments. I couldn’t control this. I was like Moose lying on my bed growling at the world. It wasn’t until I recognized that I needed to trust God in this situation that I began to let go of my fear. Isaiah 55:8-9 says “8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I had to recognize that MY perfect plan for my life was not GOD’S perfect plan and I began to experience peace. Today, I am thankful for the trial of infertility. It helped me be a stronger person and I am able to be a friend to other women who are experiencing the same thing.

Through my adult life, I have had to battle fear over and over again. When Lester lost sight in one eye and was in danger of loosing sight in the other, when Lester’s kidneys failed, when financial difficulties were overwhelming, when workload was too heavy to bear, and countless other trivial things. But, with each battle, faith grew.

Fast forward several years as I stand in the emergency room where the attending physician tells me that my husband had a severe infection that caused sepsis and was not likely to live through the night. I was told that I should call his family to get to the hospital right away. The moment that I dreaded for over a decade was upon me. Every time in the past when this scenario had played out in my imagination, I was consumed with fear. How could I ever face loosing him? He is all I have. How could I ever go on without him? But, instead of being completely paralyzed with fear and anxiety, I was filled with peace. Verses that I had committed to memory over the years as I battled fear flooded my mind.

Hebrews 13:5b- “...he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
Psalm 56:3- “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.”
John 14:27- “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Psalm 29:11- “The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace.”

I certainly didn’t want Lester to die, and yes, I was very upset. But, at the same time I knew that no matter what happened I would be ok. Just like Bison looking back for me and getting the nod to go on. I “looked” and saw that God was with me and because He “had my back”. I knew I could face this engagement. God was on my team. Courage replaced fear. I latched on. I took the hits with stick and walked away with my faith in tact.

I am happy to report that after spending 13 days in the hospital, Lester came home with me. I don’t share this story to pat myself on the back. It is just one success in what seems like a mountain of failures of faith. There have been other challenges since then and there will be more in the future. I just hope that as I face each one that I will remember to be a Bison and not a Moose.