The Search for Perfection

We love having two dogs. Now that Moose is gone, there is a hole in our family. I’ve spent a lot of time researching and talking to several people about a puppy. I have much more experience and knowledge since the last time we selected a puppy, just enough to be dangerous. Also, now that I am participating in SchH training I have many more requirements. During one of the conversations I had with a breeder, she reminded me that “no dog is perfect”. She was right, no matter how much I research and plan, the puppy is going to have some challenge. It might be an aspect of temperament, something physical, or just might be a challenge to train. Being reminded of this helped me relax and make the final decision to be put on the waiting list for the litter I had been obsessing over for weeks. It was reassuring to not have the pressure of finding perfection.

This lesson came in handy last week. My husband, Lester, had an infection in an ulcer that he had on his foot. We had been to the wound clinic the following week and they prescribed some really major antibiotics. They drew a line on his foot where the infection was on the foot, noticeable by the red color, and told me to watch to make sure the infection didn’t spread. I changed his bandages every night, but didn’t see anything to be concerned about until the night before his follow up appointment. He had several water blisters on his toes. One of the toes was a really dark purple color, almost black and there was a bad odor. I knew this wasn’t good, really not good. Due to the kidney failure and the diabetes, his circulation is bad and his feet are high risk.

The next day when the bandages were removed in the office, two toes were very dark and the smell was horrible. After being examined by three different doctors, the recommendation was made that he be admitted to the hospital. They also wanted to do an exploratory surgery the next day to determine the extent of the infection and how much circulation was left. Preliminary examination showed no pulse inside the “infection line” that was drawn on his foot the week before. The doctor explained that it was likely that they would need to remove one or more toes and as much as his leg up to the knee.

I was overwhelmed. Having seen the state of his toes, I knew they would have to come off. I knew that the hospital stay would be several days and the recovery months. The lack of sleep, extra chores, special dog care, and stress ran through my mind in seconds. In addition to the physical demands, I knew that this would be very emotional for Lester. Would I be able to handle seeing him in so much physical and emotional pain? How would I be able to change the dressings and see his foot missing toes? I am running out of vacation time at work and I knew that in addition to the hospital stay there would be weeks and weeks of check ups and therapy. How could I fit it all in? I began to pray for strength and quoted in my mind every verse I knew about strength, begging God to help us get through this. Claiming his promises, I included in one of the text messages I sent from the doctor’s office “His strength is perfect”. Taken from, 2 Corinthians 12:9, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” I knew that I did not have the strength to get through the days ahead, but HE did!

The next morning as I prepared to go back to the hospital to be with Lester before his surgery, I read an e-mail from my sister, Nancy. The only thing in the e-mail was the verse 1 John 4:16, “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” It really caught my attention and I looked up the chapter to read it in context. I stopped at verse 18 when I read, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment...” I have read this verse a million times, but that morning it became so clear to me what it meant. Perfection. His strength is perfect and his love is perfect. I thought of how much I love Lester and how much I want to be there for him, and my love is just human, selfish love. How much more would God, in his perfect love be there for Lester, and for me? With God with us, we have nothing to fear. He doesn’t want us to be in the torment that fear brings. Perfect love leaves no room for questioning, no room for fear. Lester was EXACTLY where he was meant to be that day. I was exactly where I was supposed to be that day and God was with us. He offered his perfect strength where I had none and His perfect love when my faith was small. I felt peace wash over me yet again. Where my search for perfection in a puppy came up short and my search for perfection in myself came up short, my search for perfection in my God did not.

Author’s note:
Lester did go into surgery that day. During the pre-surgery exam, we saw that all four of his small toes were black. The doctor told us that the x-rays showed that the infection was in the bone. His toes had gangrene. They performed the amputation surgery removing about half of his foot. He is out of the hospital and healing nicely. I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God and how smoothly the hospital stay went. His father, sister and brother-in-law came up to visit. It was really nice to not have to go home to an empty house, plus they did a whole list of chores around the house to help me get caught up. Someone anonymously cleaned out my front flower bed, and one of my dog club friends drove over an hour to play with Bison three different times. Countless others visited at the hospital, sent e-mails, text messages, or cards. But most importantly, many people prayed for us.

Courage and Fear

Author's Note: I read in one of my devotion books a few days ago that courage is the opposite of fear. When we are determined to be courageous with God’s help, we can defeat fear. I couldn’t help but think of my dogs as examples of the contrast of courage and fear and how that related to some events in my life. Due to the importance of this subject to me, this will be a bit long.

The day after I created this blog, we lost our dog, Moose, to cancer. Moose was the first dog I had that I really trained and he has a special place in my heart, but Moose had issues. He was afraid of everything. It makes me sad to think of how he lived his life, often cowering in his doggie bed growling at threats that didn’t exist. He snapped at children and fiercely growled at anyone who was “different”. He couldn’t be trusted to interact with visitors or go anywhere with us. What is especially sad is that aside from that one issue, he was a great dog. With me, he was loyal, cuddly, extremely smart, gentle, and loving.

In contrast, Bison is my brave dog. There is very little that will rattle him (those things are a story for another day). In SchH, the protection phase is all about testing the courage of the dog. The helper wears a bite sleeve and carries a padded stick. These decoys are trained to present a threat to the dog, to look as menacing as possible. Yet, Bison still runs toward the helper, bites the sleeve and holds on even when hit with the padded stick.

One day in training, we parked on the other side of the field from where we normally park. I was walking the long distance with Bison and the helper yelled from the other end of the field, “Send him for a bite.” I gave Bison the command for bite and let go of the leash. He ran as fast as he could and bit the sleeve. After the initial engagement, he stopped and looked back at me. He was checking in to see if I was with him. He is a very confident dog, yet he was asking for permission to engage. We work together as a team. He wanted me to be with him. As soon as I nodded, he went back to engaging with the helper.

This contrast is very real in my own life. I’ve never really considered myself a fearful person. In fact, growing up I would have said I was brave. It wasn’t until I hit circumstances in my life that I couldn’t control that I began to be filled with fear. I wanted nothing more out of life than to be a stay at home mom with a half dozen kids. I was devastated when we were unable to conceive. Through the early days of fertility treatments I was consumed with fear. What if I can’t get pregnant? What if this isn’t the right treatment? What if there is something really wrong with me? Am I going to die? Month after month was filled with blood draws, drugs, doctor vistits, and disappointments. I couldn’t control this. I was like Moose lying on my bed growling at the world. It wasn’t until I recognized that I needed to trust God in this situation that I began to let go of my fear. Isaiah 55:8-9 says “8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I had to recognize that MY perfect plan for my life was not GOD’S perfect plan and I began to experience peace. Today, I am thankful for the trial of infertility. It helped me be a stronger person and I am able to be a friend to other women who are experiencing the same thing.

Through my adult life, I have had to battle fear over and over again. When Lester lost sight in one eye and was in danger of loosing sight in the other, when Lester’s kidneys failed, when financial difficulties were overwhelming, when workload was too heavy to bear, and countless other trivial things. But, with each battle, faith grew.

Fast forward several years as I stand in the emergency room where the attending physician tells me that my husband had a severe infection that caused sepsis and was not likely to live through the night. I was told that I should call his family to get to the hospital right away. The moment that I dreaded for over a decade was upon me. Every time in the past when this scenario had played out in my imagination, I was consumed with fear. How could I ever face loosing him? He is all I have. How could I ever go on without him? But, instead of being completely paralyzed with fear and anxiety, I was filled with peace. Verses that I had committed to memory over the years as I battled fear flooded my mind.

Hebrews 13:5b- “...he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
Psalm 56:3- “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.”
John 14:27- “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Psalm 29:11- “The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace.”

I certainly didn’t want Lester to die, and yes, I was very upset. But, at the same time I knew that no matter what happened I would be ok. Just like Bison looking back for me and getting the nod to go on. I “looked” and saw that God was with me and because He “had my back”. I knew I could face this engagement. God was on my team. Courage replaced fear. I latched on. I took the hits with stick and walked away with my faith in tact.

I am happy to report that after spending 13 days in the hospital, Lester came home with me. I don’t share this story to pat myself on the back. It is just one success in what seems like a mountain of failures of faith. There have been other challenges since then and there will be more in the future. I just hope that as I face each one that I will remember to be a Bison and not a Moose.

Sometimes it is Good to Stay in the Box

One of the first things you teach in tracking is to get the dog to have a positive human scent. This is done with food. You want the dog to think, “Ah, I smell human scent, that means I get food.” There are different ways to teach this, but we used scent boxes. To create a scent box, you pace out an approximately one yard square in nice lush grass and mark it with surveyor flags. Then, drag your feet from side to side until all the grass in the square has come in contact with your feet. Then, use some really tasty treats randomly spread through the square. You create three scent boxes for each training session.

Once you have waited about 10 minutes for your scent that is lingering in the air to settle, you lead the dog to the square and give him the command to search. “Such” pronounced “Sook”. The dog will smell the food and happily run around the square eating. If the dog strays out, you wait patiently for him to find his way back, but if he strays too far you need to pull him back in and give him the search command again. Just before he gets bored with the square, you move him on to the next one. Repeat with the remaining two and finish for the day. You continue to work in scent boxes until the dog realizes that he only gets the reward of food where your scent is on the ground. He will sniff the ground up to the edge of the scent box then stop and turn around. He knows that it is futile to step outside the box because there is no reward there.

It occurs to me that this is much like being “in God’s will”. God has a plan set out for each of our lives. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” And Hebrews 13:21 says “Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” He lays out our scent box for us. Through the practice of daily Bible reading and prayer, we understand what that plan is. We learn that when we stay in that plan there is the reward of peace and contentment. When we wonder out, our master is patient but sometimes allows circumstances to bring us back on track. It has also been my experience that just before I get board with what I am doing, God provides a new “scent box” challenge for me to learn and to grow.