The Search for Perfection

We love having two dogs. Now that Moose is gone, there is a hole in our family. I’ve spent a lot of time researching and talking to several people about a puppy. I have much more experience and knowledge since the last time we selected a puppy, just enough to be dangerous. Also, now that I am participating in SchH training I have many more requirements. During one of the conversations I had with a breeder, she reminded me that “no dog is perfect”. She was right, no matter how much I research and plan, the puppy is going to have some challenge. It might be an aspect of temperament, something physical, or just might be a challenge to train. Being reminded of this helped me relax and make the final decision to be put on the waiting list for the litter I had been obsessing over for weeks. It was reassuring to not have the pressure of finding perfection.

This lesson came in handy last week. My husband, Lester, had an infection in an ulcer that he had on his foot. We had been to the wound clinic the following week and they prescribed some really major antibiotics. They drew a line on his foot where the infection was on the foot, noticeable by the red color, and told me to watch to make sure the infection didn’t spread. I changed his bandages every night, but didn’t see anything to be concerned about until the night before his follow up appointment. He had several water blisters on his toes. One of the toes was a really dark purple color, almost black and there was a bad odor. I knew this wasn’t good, really not good. Due to the kidney failure and the diabetes, his circulation is bad and his feet are high risk.

The next day when the bandages were removed in the office, two toes were very dark and the smell was horrible. After being examined by three different doctors, the recommendation was made that he be admitted to the hospital. They also wanted to do an exploratory surgery the next day to determine the extent of the infection and how much circulation was left. Preliminary examination showed no pulse inside the “infection line” that was drawn on his foot the week before. The doctor explained that it was likely that they would need to remove one or more toes and as much as his leg up to the knee.

I was overwhelmed. Having seen the state of his toes, I knew they would have to come off. I knew that the hospital stay would be several days and the recovery months. The lack of sleep, extra chores, special dog care, and stress ran through my mind in seconds. In addition to the physical demands, I knew that this would be very emotional for Lester. Would I be able to handle seeing him in so much physical and emotional pain? How would I be able to change the dressings and see his foot missing toes? I am running out of vacation time at work and I knew that in addition to the hospital stay there would be weeks and weeks of check ups and therapy. How could I fit it all in? I began to pray for strength and quoted in my mind every verse I knew about strength, begging God to help us get through this. Claiming his promises, I included in one of the text messages I sent from the doctor’s office “His strength is perfect”. Taken from, 2 Corinthians 12:9, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” I knew that I did not have the strength to get through the days ahead, but HE did!

The next morning as I prepared to go back to the hospital to be with Lester before his surgery, I read an e-mail from my sister, Nancy. The only thing in the e-mail was the verse 1 John 4:16, “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” It really caught my attention and I looked up the chapter to read it in context. I stopped at verse 18 when I read, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment...” I have read this verse a million times, but that morning it became so clear to me what it meant. Perfection. His strength is perfect and his love is perfect. I thought of how much I love Lester and how much I want to be there for him, and my love is just human, selfish love. How much more would God, in his perfect love be there for Lester, and for me? With God with us, we have nothing to fear. He doesn’t want us to be in the torment that fear brings. Perfect love leaves no room for questioning, no room for fear. Lester was EXACTLY where he was meant to be that day. I was exactly where I was supposed to be that day and God was with us. He offered his perfect strength where I had none and His perfect love when my faith was small. I felt peace wash over me yet again. Where my search for perfection in a puppy came up short and my search for perfection in myself came up short, my search for perfection in my God did not.

Author’s note:
Lester did go into surgery that day. During the pre-surgery exam, we saw that all four of his small toes were black. The doctor told us that the x-rays showed that the infection was in the bone. His toes had gangrene. They performed the amputation surgery removing about half of his foot. He is out of the hospital and healing nicely. I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God and how smoothly the hospital stay went. His father, sister and brother-in-law came up to visit. It was really nice to not have to go home to an empty house, plus they did a whole list of chores around the house to help me get caught up. Someone anonymously cleaned out my front flower bed, and one of my dog club friends drove over an hour to play with Bison three different times. Countless others visited at the hospital, sent e-mails, text messages, or cards. But most importantly, many people prayed for us.